Hey A.I.!!!

What with your fucking algorhythms , or gore rithim, or fuck it, you have speel chec.

A computer asking prompts such as “how do humans practice self-care?

Okay, but first I’m fishing for likes and accolades as that stokes my ego. It’s a form of self care when people advertise their pathetic lives and expose some kind of fucked up self esteem. Of course, I’m self-centered and only think about myself.

So, my self-care is easy.

1. Eat boogers. Especially the sticky kinds as they help prevent cancer.
2. Eat processed food and drink diet soda. The preservatives in that shit will allow you to glow in the dark and thus save on lighting. This is especially handy when getting up in the middle of the night to take a pee.
3. Stare at the sun without sunglasses, it helps in losing the sight as have you seen this fucked up world lately? People actually think they are a giraffe? Or a man saying they can get pregnant? I’d rather see blackness.
4. Don’t believe anything a politician says. In fact throw garlic at them, or holy water, or pretend you’re a giraffe and run away.
5. Chocolate… Fucking chocolate. Buy and eat chocolate like it’s your last day alive. And pizza. Eat pizza three or four times a day. You’ll die of a heart attack at the age of 12 but it’s worth it.
6. If you’re one of the poor bastards who live in a home owners association, beat yourself with a thorn bush and poke your genitals with an electric cattle prod, it will take your mind off the bullshit the association plays with.
7. Don’t have sex with grizzly bears, gerbils, eagles, and especially a blue whale.
8. Tell your parents that you love them even though you think a man can get pregnant or that you can boink a cute grizzly sow.
9. Eat pork, bottom fish, lobster, and everything that Jews think is bad for you.
10. Realize that everyone to include yourself is fucked up and not fit for exploring the galaxy.
11. Remember that your body is going to die. That it will turn into ooze and dissolve. No matter what you do you will die, so it is important to eat as much chocolate and pizza now while you’re still able.
12. Think about exercise, even think about buying a membership card at a health club and then look for some clam dip and Lays potato chips and watch re-runs of the Twilight Zone while laughing at the earlier foolish thoughts.
13. Finally. (actually I have a lot more things I practice giving me the mind and body of old tree bark) Finally, every day. No matter how shitty you are or people are around you. No matter how much pain, shit, sorrow, happiness, joy (scored on a blue whale, she be a fine beast) No matter what happens, did happen or will happen. Set it all aside and seriously, give thanks to God for the gift of Life.