Many people have a new years resolution. To quit drinking moonshine, stop swearing, eat more sardines.

And as with most resolutions the moonshine keeps getting made and consumed, the fucking swearing has to continue and sardines are waaaay more boring than a jar of spicy enoki mushrooms.

So, after many many micro seconds of pondering (which is strange because time does not exist) I, Robin B Lipinski made a resolution, which so far is working.

I resolve to make God laugh. Not humans and associated intelligent species, not aliens, definitely not A.I. Nope, only God. It will be a challenge and a big challenge (see challenges)

A lot of people don’t believe in God, which does not cause God to laugh. A lot of people believe in God and ask God for a lot of ‘things’, this is called prayer. God likes prayer and sometimes gets a chuckle and sometimes cries. A lot of people hate God and this makes God sad.

My mission is to make God laugh so loud that the planet Earth gets covered in God snot, or cosmic cereal if God laughs while eating breakfast.

So…

Let the laughter games begin!

People think they need a lot but actually the list of what they can’t do without is easy.

1. air
2. water
3. sleep
4. bacon

That’s it. Other forms of food are okay though not really needed.

Sure, maybe a potato or two, some boobs and a bicycle, but actually just four things.

And if you say a house or gods or the internet that’s a nicety but really not important.

Now, some people are not allowed to enjoy bacon. Jews and Muslims come to mind which only enforces the importance of having bacon…

Have you noticed that Muslims and Jews are bat shit crazy?

Bacon. Get some.

Decided to get rid of any filters I’ve put into place to try and fit into the various societies imposed upon me on this planet.

Just got home from work and read the following headline:

“Opinion

Mourning Brigitte Bardot Doesn’t Mean Absolving Her

By Emma Specter“

Whoever the above author is I say, fuck you. You couldn’t absolve a coconut or anything at all, and especially yourself.

The author wrote

“Death often has a kind of flattening effect on legacy. It’s hard to talk about a celebrity like Bardot—someone who brought entertainment and joy to millions, yet also sowed hatred and bigotry—with the requisite amount of nuance. But it’s our collective responsibility not to let her legendary beauty and talent obscure the ugliness of her Islamophobia, sexism, and far-right apologia.”

Again I say with absolute certainty, fuck you and ugliness and sexism and islam and sex and right and left and absolutely everything you stand for.

I have no idea who Brigitte Bardo was or what she said. If she said Mohammad fucked goats, good for her. If she fed orphan midgets, good for her.

Hoping the author of the above gets butt fucked by a rabid moose while protecting a sacred redwood tree, or drunk in a whorehouse in Bangkok

Despise is the perfect word I have for assholes that spout such shit. Ugly? Look into a mirror, now that is what is ugly.

Having no filters is fucking wonderful!

Does that make me also an asshole who should get butt fucked by a moose?

Absolutely! Though this asshole would shoot the moose first with a howitzer and eat the bitch first.

Then I’d cut down the redwood and mill it into lumber for a new whorehouse in Bangkok.

Remember the phrase, ‘Be careful for what you wish for.’?

Four presidents have received the useless chunk of accolades from the drunken Norske country. Four.

Trump wants one too. Why?

Why would anyone want a peace prize?

Sounds like a participation reward for toddlers who all pick and eat boogers.

There is no Peace on this planet. Never will be.

Want proof to back this up?

Jesus brought peace to this planet and the humans slaughtered him and his followers. Humans still slaughter other humans trying for true peace. Does Trump want to be slaughtered also?

Humans need a prize for being the most vile and cruel species for about 100 light years in any direction. They’d win hands down and without even trying hard.