1. As Timmy, an eight year old boy, “Today I learned how to put a condom on a cucumber.”
2. As a Democrat lesbian born 80 years ago in Chicago named, Millie: “I learned a long time ago that prunes are truly a miracle food.”
3. As a dog named Thor: “I don’t need a skill for anything as I can lick my own balls.
4. As a patriotic military member of the United States: “I learned a lot of Americans hate Americans.”
5. “As a gold fish I learned that swimming in circles…As a gold fish I learned that swimming in circles…As a gold fish I learned that swimming in circles.”
6. As a porn star named Candy: “I learned candy is dandy! And loves Benjamins!”
7. As an owner of Worpress: “I learned a great knowledge and skill in being able to charge money so people can pretend they are writers AND pay me good money to do so. Suckers.”

I could go on but there is a rerun on tv needing to be watched so the final one is,

8. As God who made an important announcement of a pending action: “Here, hold my beer…”