Gosh. Golly gee…Mmm… well, for one thing daddy liked to eat dragons. “The bigger they are the better they taste!” he liked to say.

Sure, I don’t mind the flavor and taste of dragon. Not bad actually but with the modern conveniences of cooking food with fire and tasting such wonderful foods as bread filled with weevils. I mean, why would I have to endure like pop and just eat dragons?

Oh, and the old man used to demand virgin sacrifices. He got a good chuckle when the natives on Earth threw virgins down into a volcano. He laughed because they were half cooked and half raw when he ate them while sitting comfortably in a pool of lava.

The natives thought their sacrifice would ensure a good crop or that their enemies would all get a nasty disease and die. Some even wanted rain, so being the good creature he was, dad would take a pee waaaaay high up in the sky.

I can’t live that way. Virgins? Sacrifice? Absolutely not. First, there are no virgins around and why eat them? No, I prefer online shopping. I mean, seriously? Free shipping? Amazon Prime? Why just yesterday I ordered a hot air balloon. Not to fly in mind you, more as a better fitting condom. And they come with built in flame producers.

Nah. The guard is dead and dying. Their ways obsolete, boring, sad, tired….(Whack!)

Shit, I forgot father can’t die and heard everything I thought.

“That’s right you bastard (literally) Want to go hunt dinosaurs?”

You know they all went extinct? You probably ate most of them.

“Yeah. (sigh) The good old days.”