Posted on by robinblipinski

Fun to write about something and not knowing a damn thing about it…

How To Play Golf

Written by: An Expert

Golf is a great game. Many famous people play golf. There is Moses, Attila the Hun and even our local celebrity, Bob, who own an actual mini-golf club. A very hard club to get into as the doors are usually locked while Bob is sleeping off a whisky drinking game.

Anyway, golf is an easy sport. It involves a stick, a ball, and ample supplies of profanity and whisky. If you play golf with Bob he usually brings extra whisky.

The object of golf is the same age old quest of many a man; to put something small into a hole. Many men spend lots of time trying to put a ball into a hole and will drink a lot of whisky and swear like a sailor until the ball is either lost in the woods or ends up in a hole of some sort.

Honesty is the most important aspect of the game. Precise tally of how many times it takes to hit a ball into a hole is the holy grail of sportsmanship. Rarely does anyone lie about how many times they hit the ball. Ironically a lot of politicians play golf and they usually utter nothing but lies.

Women play golf also. Some are very good golfers. Some women though discovered a golf stick (club some say, mainly neanderthals)some women discovered that swinging a club against their male friends car, those men who drink too much whisky and end up feeding money in a strippers thong.

There. Easy peasy.

Just drill a hole in the ground. Get a good strong stick and some balls. Any balls will work. Tennis balls, ping pong balls, and most balls with the exception that basket balls and bowling balls should only be played in golf by neanderthals who then use a club.

So get out there and enjoy all the honesty and pleasant folk who will say nice comments about your game, “You suck! It’s better you stop and let us play through!”

(now, if golf is not for you there are always a good sport of visiting an opium den)

Posted on by robinblipinski

Monkey’s

Always had a dislike for monkeys.

Boils down to how so many people on this planet believe that in some form of evolution that the primate world of monkeys lead to humans.

Do you believe you evolved from a species of monkey?

Better yet, are you a monkey?

Apes often get placed in the class of being a monkey. Apes also are a metaphor for humans whose skin pigmentation is dark brown or black. Interesting. Negro’s are not apes and you are not a monkey, well, not physically. Not mentally. Not anything at all as monkeys are the evolved creation of you.

Humans are an old species. A very old species. You could say humans are the first real aliens to a planet you all love to call, Earth.

Ha! What fun. A species older than many star systems saying they are the evolved remains of some fucking ugly, stupid, vile creatures called, monkeys.

Yes, monkeys evolved from humans in ways you can understand and mostly could not even get close to having a ‘clue’. And I do find it interesting that the one things monkeys and humans have in common is that they like to masturbate, eat, kill and eat babies (for humans it is kill babies and use the tissue to attain a longer life span. The same as what monkeys do now). Plus, as do humans, monkeys fling shit. Wonderful to de-evolution at work.

Yep. Humans. An old species. A species with built in DNA destruction sequences designed to destroy their habitat once their path goes astray.

All a part of a very old experiment.

Now. This is the part of the writing where the question is asked: Are dolphins also a very old species? If so, are they making progress or is their DNA self destruct mechanism also activated?

Posted on by robinblipinski

Seems Like Only Yesterday

“It was a dark and stormy night…” The old geezer was sitting on a bench and was starting to spin a tale.

“No it wasn’t. It was a clear moonlit peaceful night.” A squirrel chimed in while eating the stale nuts the old geezer had tossed in its general direction.

“You weren’t there squirrel.” A stern voice replied, or was there a trace of insecurity in his voice?

“Sure I was. It was me, those fucking stupid pine trees, my cousin Chitterbox, and you.” The squirrels face squinted in disgust as one of the nuts was actually a stray Viagra pill and gave the tree rat a new perspective on wood.

“Anyway, it was a dark and stormy night. The owls were not hunting as…”

Interrupting the aroused squirrel was playing with his nuts and said, “No, it was bats. There was a moon. It was light, warm, and peaceful. The bats were busy playing a competitive game of tag.

“Who’s telling this story? Me? You? And why are you humping that forest toad?”

There was no comment coming from the squirrel as he had found a pleasant interlude with a bumpy, ugly forest toad that smelled oddly enough, of Cheeto’s.

“The owls were not hunting as they were discussing the pending fate of the local pine forest. Lately the trees had stopped dancing and turned their collective into only concerning themselves. Why, just yesterday they flipped me off and then again today.”

“You’re loopy.” The squirrel was laying on his back smoking a joint. A joint he stole from his neighbor while stealing the neighbors dog food.

“Loopy? Maybe. Though while the trees were defiant and losing their way they fail to understand that this Summer they will be destroyed. Lightning will instill in them the pain of fire and order will be restored.”

The squirrel was silent following the old geezers statement and now silence. Then he said, “Yeah. On this we agree. Got any chips and dip?”

(and this is the last live show I just saw and now if you’re reading this shit, you are too. oh, and if you’re a local pine tree, I’d uproot and move.)