A gift. Maybe the gift of being long winded? No, that seems more like a curse.
I truly have the gift of what human society deems to be profanity and yet I am not profane. No, I’m too fucking honest which again seems more like a curse. (never trust a human being who does not ‘swear’ they probably beat their wife and believe in abortion)
I have been extremely blessed with many gifts though. Wonderful parents, a fun brother, a sister who taught me the cruel reality of being cruel…
To have abilities that if were written here would cross a boundary of disbelief so big not even a bird could fly across.
The prompt here was, the ‘best’ gift.
So many to choose from, so many that fit the ‘more like a curse’.
And… Tada! The best gift is hope.
Hope is a most wonderful gift. One that boarders on ‘more like a curse’ with the other side being a smile from God.
Powerful stuff hope is. Easy to embrace easy to discard.
The past many years the gift of hope for me was crashed beyond seeming repair. Eight years of my work destroyed. The loss of money, (which is a curse but for some the $2million would be their best gift)
On the worst day of my life when I lost all my ‘friends’, lost my money, lost my hope, I was soothing my pain with food. Food is a wonderful gift. Probably the second best gift one could receive. Yes, there on that horrible day Margareta and I were in a Chinese buffet in Homer Alaska. Good food. Friendly owner. And a demon came inside and harassed the owner AND prevented my wife from going back for seconds. I flipped. I physically threw the ‘man’ outside and the smirk on his face was from Hell itself.
To top off the day I lost hope was when the fortune cookie arrived. You know, the usual lottery numbers and sage advice such as, “You will go on a long and wonderful journey.” My fortune cookie spoke such truth it is doubtful you will believe it. My cookie said, “No fortune for you, even fortune cookie gets day off.”
Fucked right? And how true.
To move and find a place to live. Very little cash. No hope. No friends.
Off into the world with a old piece of shit motor home aptly named, “American Dream.” Ha!
Ended up in Idaho. A beautiful state full of mostly horrible people. By horrible I mean the ‘elites’, the rich, the ranchers, not the workers at the local gas station who are from India. Not the man/woman working to pay bills.
Found a beautiful place, built a home, stood by a wife attacked by the demons of sickness. Held her hand while she was in the hospital for 37 days with a hole in her colon. And through it all, hope had stayed hidden.
House after house I built. At one home the daughter of the father I was building for tried to seduce me while watching porn. She was truly evil and she and her daughter tried to destroy me. I ended up quitting the finish as she tried to dictate a build against her father who was the one who paid me. Still again, no hope.
I did find love though . Love. Another gift yet not as powerful as hope and in my tangled web of existence it all was just another futile exercise in what i am…
Another home for a young couple. Worked hard on it. Did my best to save them money. Alpha was his name. Very courteous. Called me, “Mr. Robin” He and his wife belong to a religion who says they love God and others unless you’re Catholic… Now, while raised Catholic and doing what good Catholics do I did not be confirmed as for reasons no human could ever understand. Only God understands.
Anyway, Alpha and another ‘loving’ church member were standing and talking about how evil the Pope is. Imagine that? Say what you want about Catholics what with some priests fucking boys and all but in the big picture they run wonderful charities, run wonderful adoption agencies (I was adopted and my cost was $100) and true Catholics truly believe in Jesus/God and the best real human that ever lives…Mary, the mother of Christ. So, while I heard all the bullshit those two were spouting I spoke up and said, “I do not want to hear this,” to the both of them.
A week later Alpha said, “We prayed last night and God told us we’re done with you.” Ha! What he does not know is that God told me i was finished with what was needed at the moment. And still, no hope.
House after house, cruelty after cruelty. Lie after lie. Even had some loving people fill my work truck with rattlesnakes. (another Ha! If they only knew…) Even had an ex stripper file a restraining order against me. Said to the judge in writing that I masturbated in front of her. Told the judge in writing that she was afraid of me… Then at court did not show up but she sure tried to destroy me just like so many others and still, no hope, just existence.
The last house was horrible. Worked like a two dollar hooker for a couple who seemed at first like nice people. ‘Seem’ is an illusion of a word. Did my best to build them a wonderful home. Did my best to save them money. And then their son showed his true colors.
While trying to talk my clients who were over at their son’s trailer in regards to a dryer hookup, I was told, “Jason’s in a conference call, we can’t talk here.” I apologized and beat retreat to an area where I could talk to the parents. Only minutes later Jason came up to me and much like my Marine drill instructer told me, “YOU WILL NOT COME HERE AGAIN UNLESS YOU TEXT ME FIRST!!!” I apologized and said it will never happen again.
Then, a few days later I noticed someone sabotaged a hardwood floor I had installed their. I approached my clients and they had no answer.
Finally, after thinking about it, I quit and still, no hope.
Excavator work. Small jobs. Harassment from the HOA about a cattle guard I had permission to install from a director of roads while I was working the roads and then th4e dream of death.
Not death as you might believe. Not a nightmare as I have never had a nightmare nor will I ever. The Dream Always the Dream.
In the dream the sky exploded. The world, my illusionary world called, Earth, was destroyed.
And then the fight. A huge fight with Margareta. I knew it was coming and it had too; part of death and all. I had told her of the dream and the dream had to come to this reality and boy, it sure did. Only, it was not my death, it was the death of what gripped and tried to hold me enslaved.
I
Found
Hope
Again. The true gift of hope. The eternal gift of hope.
Now, I’m going to sell the carcass of my past pain and life and start a new life. A real life surrounded by nice people and I’m going to make great friends.
This just happened a few days ago. Imagine that, an old man finding the gift he had lost over the most stupid and mundane.
Every action in the past two days have now confirmed what i knew and now I know.
Last night I could hardly sleep I was so excited. New lands, new friends, new job, helping those that truly need the help… and to leave some of those rich elites living here to learn what is to happen to their comfortable and secure lives. The dream of the sky exploding is true in more ways than One.
And so. Long fucking winded (par for the course) The truth as true as Truth can be.
And I hope whoever reads this finds out also that Hope is waaaaaay better of a gift than cheesecake, money, sex, love, hate, joy… and enjoy your Life in the most wonderful way possible. Hope is a gift given to each and every one of us. It is then up to us to discard or truly embrace it.
And for what it’s worth, I now see Margareta also once more again, filled with hope. (She is cooking us lamb at the moment and fuck yeah! It is tasty!)
Life…Hope…Love… What amazing gifts God gives to those who are poor in spirit.
Robin Lipinski 