Let me count the ways.

“Do you ever see wild animals”

1.Yep, and I kill and eat them

2. Yes. They are the nut jobs driving cars on the highway like a baboon with herpes.

3. No. No, I live in a bubble and am allergic to everything but air.

4. Help. I’m trapped in a Chinese submarine just off the coast of Taiwan

5. I am a wild animal…

6. Eeks! A spider!

7.Mommy, why is daddy eating out of the garbage can?

8. Daddy, why do I scream like an ape and rub my peepee when I see pretty girls?

9. Why do animals have to wild? They have feelings. They should have the right to be whatever it is they want to be. Maybe they are calm and collected.

10. The question should be, do wild animals ever see what i am?

Daily writing prompt

Do you ever see wild animals?

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“Hi ya’all. Today I am going to share five real factual actions I excel in.”

(Pausing to pick some annoying lint out of the beer belly gut belly button carefully crafted after years of alcohol abuse)

“First off, I am stupendous at counting my fingers and toes. Here, let me show you. One, two, three… Ooh! A cheesepuff falling on the floor. Three second rule.”

“Next I am fantastic at talkin with the ladies. Listen to this…”

(dialing the number a lady answered. a real lady)

“Hi. My name is Tulip. What’s your name big boy?”

(smirking and giggling)

“My name is Robin.”

“Well Robin, are you touching yourself?” Tulip was an 82 year old grandmother in Lima Ohio working the $9.00 a minute sex phone line, and she had a real sexy voice.

“And man let me tell you what. I can cook bologna better than any Hawaiian native. The trick is to microwave it first and then cook it in a skillet full of bacon fat.”

(there was a pause in writing as Robin became extremely interested in watching one of his corgi’s try to eat a bug)

“Anyway, the fourth thing that I am an absolute master of is to look into a mirror and admire at how beautiful I camouflaged the warts on my nose. Look. See? Looks more like multiple birth marks than the result of poor hygiene.”

(taking a sip out of a mason jar filled with some kind of alcohol, Robin finished the fifth thing he was so proud of doing so well.”

“And finally, and without any humility what-so-ever…. I’m excellent at solving the mystery of what a person had to eat for dinner yesterday just by smelling their farts.”

(and that WordPress, is what I think of your writing prompts)

Daily writing prompt

Share five things you’re good at.

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“What are your two favorite things to wear?”

Questions. Demands. Interrogation.

“Show me your papers!”

“Are you a Jew?”

“There is no God!”

Now that’s better…

Inconspicuous. Flirting. Chit chat. Small talk.

To bring into focus the ability to draw out and express on the favorite identity of ‘me’ ‘I’ ‘we’ ‘us’ ‘them’ ‘you’…

Let’s talk of the story of human cruelty before the altar of a world full of so much hate and evil. It’s easy when ‘you’ ‘I’ ‘me’ ‘we’ have endured civilization of a world for millions, billions, and eternity…

To wear the memories as if the actions occurred only yesterday, and with vision to see tomorrow/next week/a billion moments from today.

For some to wear the clothing of hope and peace until those garments are covered in old/fresh blood of war and hate.

Others prefer the cloak of darkness and the whispers of deceit.

What i am is of no interest or consequence because i am nothing more than a breeze; wind blowing through what is and what it not reality.

To wear thoughts only to discard them.

A life of nothing more or less than horror, pain, and an illusion

unless

choosing the comfort of God’s tears.

Daily writing prompt

What are your two favorite things to wear?

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Daily writing prompt

Name the most expensive personal item you’ve ever purchased (not your home or car).

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“Ya’ll might not give a shit but my profession is wrangling cows. I might be what some consider to be, a cowboy.” Some well aimed spittle of tabacky hit the stray dog sniffing the cowboys horse.

“N this here be my horse. A good horse and worth the price paid.”

The horse was a normal horse. It was brown in color and fifteen hands high. Currently the tail of the horse was lifted while hitched to a post and horse shit balls bounced down to where a dog once barked.

“My name is Bob and to answer your question of what was the most expensive indulgence I’ve attended to…. Well lets just say, it was one of the most enjoyable purchases ever.” More spit shot out aimed this time as a black fly checking out the fresh horse shit.

“Yessir. I spent $9.99 on one of them vibrating vaginas. Even came with batteries. I call it, Gertrude.”

Daily writing prompt

Invent a holiday! Explain how and why everyone should celebrate.

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To invent a holiday is absurd. A contradiction of definition.

Invent: To create something unknown

Holiday: A day free. A vacation. A religious day

Put the two words together in a sentence “Invent a holiday”

Okay. My holiday of invention is: Hit Your Head With a Brick…day.

On, Hit Your Head With a Brick day, you get the day off to enjoy the pleasure of taking an old fashioned brick and smash your brains in.

What fun! The whole family can participate. The entire world would reap the benefits of where only those who refuse to acknowledge the holiday would survive.

Millions of people would bash their heads with a brick and be taken out of the gene pool leaving ‘atheistic’ minded people to ignore the holiday and instead invent a new one called, Pee On a Toaster day.

WordPress: This writing prompt makes me want to go kick a spinning lawnmower blade just to see if I’m still sane.

Daily writing prompt

What are your favorite websites?

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Well, the barn is a great place to check out websites. Some really large bastards spin some awesome bug traps.

Course lately the Fall migration of spiders was pretty nice to watch as spiders spun webs and then took flight.

“Word press robots meant, internet websites, not spider webs.”

But the best website is the one that spiders spin above a television set and freaks out the human occupants by dangling in front of the tv.

Daily writing prompt

What does it mean to be a kid at heart?

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to be

it is

wonderful

Daily writing prompt

Describe a family member.

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Chromosomes within normal evolutionary scales of boundary.

Poland the nest of ancestor accumulation and bypassing natural herd migration.

Homo sapien resting assuredly with the accepted definition of human.

Born into a family unit of mother and father with accompanied siblings in a city called, Chicago.

Mentally acuity above normal and excelled in school attaining a degree in nursing.

Served in sacrifice on the ship, Hope.

Took a mate to liking and birthed a daughter who fell short in most parameters (another description is needed)

Firmly attuned with God and educational as to why to stranger and friend alike.

Adopted two male babies and raised them as if biologically connected.

Suffered the anguish of life and death leaving the world a better place than what was born into.

She was the best mother indeed.

Daily writing prompt

What have you been putting off doing? Why?

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I daresay this talk of dilly daddle…Next thing you know we’re all a twaddle.

(now down to business) Putting off? Seriously?

Time is now and now is time.

To control the seconds and their reflections”=;minions to pass the time.

:’Ih[ ho kool_l;”

See?

No?

At least… at least maybe, a smile?4

Of course, and there you have it all now (hurumph hurumph)
***

Someday

One day

when the time is right, I might choose to put off writing.

You see, being possessed is a hobby of mine. Many times a week my head spins 440 degrees and I vomit pea green slime, which strangely tastes like pea soup.

It is extremely enjoyable to crawl on the ceiling like a sand crab AND I sizzle like an omelet when covered in holy water.

So, the question of what would happen if I lost all my possessions? I’d probably do the right thing and vote for that saint, Donald Trump and protest against killing babies , and donate to the poor, and help blind people cross the road, and, and, and…

Daily writing prompt

What would you do if you lost all your possessions?

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