“It was a dark and stormy night…” The old geezer was sitting on a bench and was starting to spin a tale.
“No it wasn’t. It was a clear moonlit peaceful night.” A squirrel chimed in while eating the stale nuts the old geezer had tossed in its general direction.
“You weren’t there squirrel.” A stern voice replied, or was there a trace of insecurity in his voice?
“Sure I was. It was me, those fucking stupid pine trees, my cousin Chitterbox, and you.” The squirrels face squinted in disgust as one of the nuts was actually a stray Viagra pill and gave the tree rat a new perspective on wood.
“Anyway, it was a dark and stormy night. The owls were not hunting as…”
Interrupting the aroused squirrel was playing with his nuts and said, “No, it was bats. There was a moon. It was light, warm, and peaceful. The bats were busy playing a competitive game of tag.
“Who’s telling this story? Me? You? And why are you humping that forest toad?”
There was no comment coming from the squirrel as he had found a pleasant interlude with a bumpy, ugly forest toad that smelled oddly enough, of Cheeto’s.
“The owls were not hunting as they were discussing the pending fate of the local pine forest. Lately the trees had stopped dancing and turned their collective into only concerning themselves. Why, just yesterday they flipped me off and then again today.”
“You’re loopy.” The squirrel was laying on his back smoking a joint. A joint he stole from his neighbor while stealing the neighbors dog food.
“Loopy? Maybe. Though while the trees were defiant and losing their way they fail to understand that this Summer they will be destroyed. Lightning will instill in them the pain of fire and order will be restored.”
The squirrel was silent following the old geezers statement and now silence. Then he said, “Yeah. On this we agree. Got any chips and dip?”
(and this is the last live show I just saw and now if you’re reading this shit, you are too. oh, and if you’re a local pine tree, I’d uproot and move.)
