Written by: life

“So, how’s your life going?” Chit chat drivel.

“Oh, you know. What with being a mass murder, it’s going pretty damn well. Why, just today I slit the throats of seven politicians and still had time to go to a titty bar.”

(interesting how many people don’t listen.)

“Really? That’s nice. Let me tell you how my life is going.” And without missing a beat proceeded: “A year ago I was still a man and today…Look at me! I’m gorgeous. A perfect body of a perfect woman.”

“I hate trannies. In fact I not only slit their throats, I also disembowel them right down to their asshole…”

(still not listening)

“I know right. One minute trapped in a mans body and now I’m as free as a bird. A girl bird that is…(giggle giggle tee hee ha ha)

The life form now known as a mass murder was true to the word as the knife sliced the throat of that which did listen, nor had the means too…

If one read entrails of their victims to glimpse the future, then the entrails of the now deceased showed that it would rain tomorrow.

Daily writing prompt

Is your life today what you pictured a year ago?

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Written by: An Alternative

She gave birth to a Universe. She was big. She got banged. She gave birth to a Universe.

Her home was in no village, no town, no city. Her home was a house. A simple abode where God visited, a home God built before there was light, before there was the word.

In a mind where a brain does not matter nor does the consciousness dream, she lived. She very much embraced the life of a world where all roads travel.’

God spoke from her lips. She cried in joy hearing the sound of music from eternity. She felt no hunger.

So many children lead to so many galaxies, so many planets, so many civilizations.

In the meaning of what it is, she never grew old; living forever as she swept death under the rug.

Daily writing prompt

What cities do you want to visit?

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Written by: The face of humanity

“My first day of wearing the face of evil began only a few moments before you grub eating, maggot infested humans began as Adam and Eve.”

(sipping some cognac and beating some terrorists who died and thought they were going to be around some virgins, Satan continued…)

“Anyway. My Father (rolling the eyes) God… Well we did not see eye to eye. Literally. God’s eyes were so much bigger than mine. So, I did battle against the bastard. Had too really. There was no choice as I was an Angel of God, and so it was kind of humorous to have the body of God fight the body of God and guess who won?”

(another sip and another slap with a ruler on the knuckles of a nun who was once a closet cannibal)

(burp. gluttony has some disadvantages) “Yep. You guessed it. God won. And since God fought God, God did not kill or destroy those that were on the losing side. Sooooo… Here we are today. I get the job of fucking with blobs of biological shit and you all get to choose what part of God you want to be with.”

(there was a loud sound of screaming from the part of Hell where all politicians go which distracted Satan enough to cause a smile)

“Yep. My first day on the job sucked. I mean how would you all like to wake up in Hell? And trust me, not even God’s son Jesus liked it when he descended into hell. He lasted only three days and decided to try being a flesh bag again before going up to Heaven.”

(fantasy? make believe? look inside your nightmares tonight to see just how stupid Satan looks when giggling and dressed in a clown suit)

Daily writing prompt

Tell us about your first day at something — school, work, as a parent, etc.

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“Yup. There he sat. All tense like. His wife by his side.” Some spit emitted from the cracked lips of the old timer.

“N then from behind some man sneaked up and shot the man in the head. Imagine, I know the show was bad but that man up and shot that seated man a right n the head.”

“Who are you old man?” A whipper snapper queried.

“Ha! I’m just an actor. I a had to be here as shooting a president in the head had to be a blamed on someone. Yessir, John Wilkes Booth, horrible actor. Great Pasty though. An illusion created just to…

“Shot a president? Were you there? What’s your name?” Ah, the folly of youth.

“Uh. Well now. Yessir. Shot in the head. John Wilkes Booth. My name is… John.

Daily writing prompt

Have you ever performed on stage or given a speech?

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My favorite cartoon is to watch atheist’s talk about there being no God.

Daily writing prompt

What’s your favorite cartoon?

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Let me count the ways.

“Do you ever see wild animals”

1.Yep, and I kill and eat them

2. Yes. They are the nut jobs driving cars on the highway like a baboon with herpes.

3. No. No, I live in a bubble and am allergic to everything but air.

4. Help. I’m trapped in a Chinese submarine just off the coast of Taiwan

5. I am a wild animal…

6. Eeks! A spider!

7.Mommy, why is daddy eating out of the garbage can?

8. Daddy, why do I scream like an ape and rub my peepee when I see pretty girls?

9. Why do animals have to wild? They have feelings. They should have the right to be whatever it is they want to be. Maybe they are calm and collected.

10. The question should be, do wild animals ever see what i am?

Daily writing prompt

Do you ever see wild animals?

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“Hi ya’all. Today I am going to share five real factual actions I excel in.”

(Pausing to pick some annoying lint out of the beer belly gut belly button carefully crafted after years of alcohol abuse)

“First off, I am stupendous at counting my fingers and toes. Here, let me show you. One, two, three… Ooh! A cheesepuff falling on the floor. Three second rule.”

“Next I am fantastic at talkin with the ladies. Listen to this…”

(dialing the number a lady answered. a real lady)

“Hi. My name is Tulip. What’s your name big boy?”

(smirking and giggling)

“My name is Robin.”

“Well Robin, are you touching yourself?” Tulip was an 82 year old grandmother in Lima Ohio working the $9.00 a minute sex phone line, and she had a real sexy voice.

“And man let me tell you what. I can cook bologna better than any Hawaiian native. The trick is to microwave it first and then cook it in a skillet full of bacon fat.”

(there was a pause in writing as Robin became extremely interested in watching one of his corgi’s try to eat a bug)

“Anyway, the fourth thing that I am an absolute master of is to look into a mirror and admire at how beautiful I camouflaged the warts on my nose. Look. See? Looks more like multiple birth marks than the result of poor hygiene.”

(taking a sip out of a mason jar filled with some kind of alcohol, Robin finished the fifth thing he was so proud of doing so well.”

“And finally, and without any humility what-so-ever…. I’m excellent at solving the mystery of what a person had to eat for dinner yesterday just by smelling their farts.”

(and that WordPress, is what I think of your writing prompts)

Daily writing prompt

Share five things you’re good at.

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“What are your two favorite things to wear?”

Questions. Demands. Interrogation.

“Show me your papers!”

“Are you a Jew?”

“There is no God!”

Now that’s better…

Inconspicuous. Flirting. Chit chat. Small talk.

To bring into focus the ability to draw out and express on the favorite identity of ‘me’ ‘I’ ‘we’ ‘us’ ‘them’ ‘you’…

Let’s talk of the story of human cruelty before the altar of a world full of so much hate and evil. It’s easy when ‘you’ ‘I’ ‘me’ ‘we’ have endured civilization of a world for millions, billions, and eternity…

To wear the memories as if the actions occurred only yesterday, and with vision to see tomorrow/next week/a billion moments from today.

For some to wear the clothing of hope and peace until those garments are covered in old/fresh blood of war and hate.

Others prefer the cloak of darkness and the whispers of deceit.

What i am is of no interest or consequence because i am nothing more than a breeze; wind blowing through what is and what it not reality.

To wear thoughts only to discard them.

A life of nothing more or less than horror, pain, and an illusion

unless

choosing the comfort of God’s tears.

Daily writing prompt

What are your two favorite things to wear?

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Daily writing prompt

Name the most expensive personal item you’ve ever purchased (not your home or car).

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“Ya’ll might not give a shit but my profession is wrangling cows. I might be what some consider to be, a cowboy.” Some well aimed spittle of tabacky hit the stray dog sniffing the cowboys horse.

“N this here be my horse. A good horse and worth the price paid.”

The horse was a normal horse. It was brown in color and fifteen hands high. Currently the tail of the horse was lifted while hitched to a post and horse shit balls bounced down to where a dog once barked.

“My name is Bob and to answer your question of what was the most expensive indulgence I’ve attended to…. Well lets just say, it was one of the most enjoyable purchases ever.” More spit shot out aimed this time as a black fly checking out the fresh horse shit.

“Yessir. I spent $9.99 on one of them vibrating vaginas. Even came with batteries. I call it, Gertrude.”