Gosh. Golly gee…Mmm… well, for one thing daddy liked to eat dragons. “The bigger they are the better they taste!” he liked to say.

Sure, I don’t mind the flavor and taste of dragon. Not bad actually but with the modern conveniences of cooking food with fire and tasting such wonderful foods as bread filled with weevils. I mean, why would I have to endure like pop and just eat dragons?

Oh, and the old man used to demand virgin sacrifices. He got a good chuckle when the natives on Earth threw virgins down into a volcano. He laughed because they were half cooked and half raw when he ate them while sitting comfortably in a pool of lava.

The natives thought their sacrifice would ensure a good crop or that their enemies would all get a nasty disease and die. Some even wanted rain, so being the good creature he was, dad would take a pee waaaaay high up in the sky.

I can’t live that way. Virgins? Sacrifice? Absolutely not. First, there are no virgins around and why eat them? No, I prefer online shopping. I mean, seriously? Free shipping? Amazon Prime? Why just yesterday I ordered a hot air balloon. Not to fly in mind you, more as a better fitting condom. And they come with built in flame producers.

Nah. The guard is dead and dying. Their ways obsolete, boring, sad, tired….(Whack!)

Shit, I forgot father can’t die and heard everything I thought.

“That’s right you bastard (literally) Want to go hunt dinosaurs?”

You know they all went extinct? You probably ate most of them.

“Yeah. (sigh) The good old days.”

Typical?

For evil, absolutely. Some Christians beheaded by moon worshippers in Africa. A lot of abortions were performed. Even the planet is angry and shook in anger. So today was absolutely another typical day for planet Earth.

What was not typical is while getting chewed out by a typical pig man I thought of jelly donuts and rabbits…

Why jelly donuts and rabbits?

Usually when getting dressed down by a human being it is more typical to smile inside and shake my head in amusement, but today…

Today was jelly donuts and rabbits, and just now, Chinese lesbians playing with pygmies.

my brother

‘Winning two free airline tickets’

‘Where would you fly?”

It all depends on what airline the ‘free’ tickets are for.

If the tickets are for Air Iran and I’m Jewish wanting to fly to Tel Aviv I guess those loving folks would fly me to Hell (ovens and all)

If the tickets are for American Airlines then no matter where I want to go the end result is that is would become the flight to Hell.

Delta? At least boarding a delta flight I know there is a good chance of at least taxi’ing to the runway on my way to Topeka Kansas only to have the plane breakdown and then becoming stranded in Hell.

Airline after airline with poorly maintained planes run by greedy companies and staff freshly trained in Hell…

I guess the destination to fly after winning two tickets would all end up going to Hell…

Unless…

I sell the two tickets.

Yes.

That’s the solution, sell the two tickets to two demons who missed their earlier flight to Hell.

I’d then take the money and travel to a Golden Corral Buffet where I’d feel I was in Heaven, eating like a king.

It all started that one day in a men’s bathroom at JFK International Airport.

Standing there taking a royal wicked piss and minding my own business dreaming of cheeseburgers when off to the side of me stood a large black man.

A man large of stature and yes, endowment.

It was not his size that amused me nor the thoughts that he was glancing in reciprocity, no, it was the shocked look on his face when in a large exclamation of wonder said, “Oh. My. Gawd!!!”

And that’s how I got the nickname, Big Bird.

The one where I stab people with a pitchfork while they roast in hell? Such wonderful screams indeed!

or,

the one where I issue harps and halos? The sound of the harp can be soothing

or maybe the one where I watch over a newborn as it figures out how to breathe? That sound is amazing.

of course, in my line of work, i get to enjoy the music/sounds of an entire Universe and it must be said, God sure knows how to write music. Sometimes it can be a bit, overwhelming…

“go to comfort food.”

???

Do they not understand the reactions answers from around the world would be?

An Inuit native would write and say, “Seal balls dipped in whale fat.” (at this exact moment, a vegetarian keeled over in horror)

Or, some nut job living in Maine writing that eating freeze dried cockroaches really takes the edge off thoughts of following random strangers in the street.

‘Comfort’ is a personal perspective.

Pain for one is joy for another

Taboo’s

Traditions,

Though no one needs to know, my own personal comfort food (especially when stressed) (it can’t be written, winky wink) but then eating fairies is very comforting. Just pluck those little gems out of the air enjoy.

Ahh…

Daily writing prompt

What’s your go-to comfort food?

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