Posted on by robinblipinski

The Truth?

Can you identify who I am by the words I will now paint in your mind?

Color. Techno even. With sounds, smells, visuals. Real.

*

Let me tell you about myself (in the background an open window allows the wafting smell of fresh dog shit to enter and alert the nostrils to something intrusive)

Physical? Okay. Morbidly obese. I weigh between 675-700 pounds. The weight depends upon the cycle of food I choose to devour. Sometimes the potato urge kicks in and I eat deep fried, boiled, baked, microwaved… Lots and lots of potatoes with lots of melted cheese, gravy, ketchup, mustard, vinegar, sour cream… It is during these moments the body swells to the heavier range.

During some moments there is the consumption of a lot of salad. Lettuce, tomatoes, carrots… I guess you could say salad is the balancing act my body chooses

My flesh is greasy and rolling with sweat as I struggle to move. The clothing worn is adorned with the strong smell of detergent; helps keep the nasty body odors partially hidden.

I am so fat I cannot put my shoes on, or actually, any shoes. I use large slippers. Since I can’t see them beneath me I use my toes to ‘feel’ them, and then bracing against the nearest wall is slip my feet into them.

Age? Thirty seven and already almost bald. Yes, I have a hairy chest and already have nose hair and hair coming out of my ass, though that is what I’m told. I can’t even see my dick due to the multiple rolls of belly flesh.

The last time I wiped my ass was as a teen. After puberty and the terrible teens I turned to food for comfort. A lot of comfort.

The joints hurt.

People are repulsed when they come to my home. They have to come to bring me food, groceries, medicine, help. They have to come as I’m actually incapable of leaving the house as I’m larger than the front door.

Now, putting the current stench of my breath aside, (garlic ice cream) can you see who I am?

Who I really am?

I

am

a

writer.

I can write to your mind whatever the fuck I want to. I can be skinny or fat. Young or old. Good or bad.

In fact, if you really want me to describe myself to your mind…

I am your worst nightmare

and

i

am your sweetest dreams.

Posted on by robinblipinski

Like Father, Like Son

Gosh. Golly gee…Mmm… well, for one thing daddy liked to eat dragons. “The bigger they are the better they taste!” he liked to say.

Sure, I don’t mind the flavor and taste of dragon. Not bad actually but with the modern conveniences of cooking food with fire and tasting such wonderful foods as bread filled with weevils. I mean, why would I have to endure like pop and just eat dragons?

Oh, and the old man used to demand virgin sacrifices. He got a good chuckle when the natives on Earth threw virgins down into a volcano. He laughed because they were half cooked and half raw when he ate them while sitting comfortably in a pool of lava.

The natives thought their sacrifice would ensure a good crop or that their enemies would all get a nasty disease and die. Some even wanted rain, so being the good creature he was, dad would take a pee waaaaay high up in the sky.

I can’t live that way. Virgins? Sacrifice? Absolutely not. First, there are no virgins around and why eat them? No, I prefer online shopping. I mean, seriously? Free shipping? Amazon Prime? Why just yesterday I ordered a hot air balloon. Not to fly in mind you, more as a better fitting condom. And they come with built in flame producers.

Nah. The guard is dead and dying. Their ways obsolete, boring, sad, tired….(Whack!)

Shit, I forgot father can’t die and heard everything I thought.

“That’s right you bastard (literally) Want to go hunt dinosaurs?”

You know they all went extinct? You probably ate most of them.

“Yeah. (sigh) The good old days.”

Posted on by robinblipinski · 1 Comment

Typical?

For evil, absolutely. Some Christians beheaded by moon worshippers in Africa. A lot of abortions were performed. Even the planet is angry and shook in anger. So today was absolutely another typical day for planet Earth.

What was not typical is while getting chewed out by a typical pig man I thought of jelly donuts and rabbits…

Why jelly donuts and rabbits?

Usually when getting dressed down by a human being it is more typical to smile inside and shake my head in amusement, but today…

Today was jelly donuts and rabbits, and just now, Chinese lesbians playing with pygmies.

Posted on by robinblipinski

Nuthin is free.

‘Winning two free airline tickets’

‘Where would you fly?”

It all depends on what airline the ‘free’ tickets are for.

If the tickets are for Air Iran and I’m Jewish wanting to fly to Tel Aviv I guess those loving folks would fly me to Hell (ovens and all)

If the tickets are for American Airlines then no matter where I want to go the end result is that is would become the flight to Hell.

Delta? At least boarding a delta flight I know there is a good chance of at least taxi’ing to the runway on my way to Topeka Kansas only to have the plane breakdown and then becoming stranded in Hell.

Airline after airline with poorly maintained planes run by greedy companies and staff freshly trained in Hell…

I guess the destination to fly after winning two tickets would all end up going to Hell…

Unless…

I sell the two tickets.

Yes.

That’s the solution, sell the two tickets to two demons who missed their earlier flight to Hell.

I’d then take the money and travel to a Golden Corral Buffet where I’d feel I was in Heaven, eating like a king.

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~The Wave~

Imagine.

Looking down and up into infinity.

Left, there, at the beginning…

a vibration until below

the atoms stand and wave!

“Hello, good world, hello!”

Right, there towards the end

there rolled

the wave.

Posted on by robinblipinski

It all started that one day in a men’s bathroom at JFK International Airport.

Standing there taking a royal wicked piss and minding my own business dreaming of cheeseburgers when off to the side of me stood a large black man.

A man large of stature and yes, endowment.

It was not his size that amused me nor the thoughts that he was glancing in reciprocity, no, it was the shocked look on his face when in a large exclamation of wonder said, “Oh. My. Gawd!!!”

And that’s how I got the nickname, Big Bird.

Posted on by robinblipinski

the rain was nice today, a bit cooler, a bit serene.

soft with a definite hint of sparkle.

the clouds said, “hello,” and in return the air curtsy; a swirl.

Posted on by robinblipinski

Which job?

The one where I stab people with a pitchfork while they roast in hell? Such wonderful screams indeed!

or,

the one where I issue harps and halos? The sound of the harp can be soothing

or maybe the one where I watch over a newborn as it figures out how to breathe? That sound is amazing.

of course, in my line of work, i get to enjoy the music/sounds of an entire Universe and it must be said, God sure knows how to write music. Sometimes it can be a bit, overwhelming…